Hi.

This is roshan.

I've always wondered why people die and why people don't die. The ones you love and cherish get taken away and the ones you hate are the ones who end up being alive. There are things you cannot change. The past, the future. People will always tell you that it's only the past that cannot be changed. That's not true. The future cannot be changed as well.

The future, what is the future. The flying second of time fleeting from the grasps of your hands the moment you breathe, blink is the future. Now, is the future. A minute ago was the past. The present is a hoax. The present is paradox of time supposed to exist due to the laws of the universe but it never does. And that is the birth of anxiety.

The thousand questions you ask yourself that lead to million answers, with billion possibilities and trillion more questions. Baffle me. I think too much about things I should not think about and I blame it on my OCD because i feel that's what it is. It isn't OCD. I'm just scared. Of everything. Everyone.

The four walls of my home and the four walls inside my head is what I consider my box. Comfort box. I live here. Inside my head. Because I'm afraid of the endless possibilities the world has to offer and I do not wish to participate. I thou shall be a holder of my sins and drown in my sorrows before I reach out for help. And that will be the death of me.

But, perhaps, what if, maybe, I can still change my future. At least, I can try.